Common Contract Definitions
Contractor - A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal
Bid Opening - A poker game in which the losing hand wins
Bid - A wild guess carried out to two decimals
Low Bidder - A contractor who is wondering what he left out
Engineers Estimate - The cost of construction in heaven
Project Manager - The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union
Critical Path Method - A management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control
Strike - An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken
Delayed Payment - A tourniquet applied at the pockets
Completion Date - The point at which liquidated damages begin
Liquidated Damages - A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible
Auditor - People who go in after the war is lost and bayonet the wounded
Lawyer - People who go in after the auditors and strip the bodies